SciAm: CIA trying to keep global warming top-secret

How would you re-energize a dying pseudoscientific fad that almost no one wants to consider seriously anymore?

Maybe you would want to present it as a "banned fruit" that people will be encouraged to study in their free time. David Biello of the "Scientific" American has invented an ingenious strategy that made me LOL explosively enough to share the excitement with you. According to this article,

Why Is the CIA Keeping Climate Change Secret?

"The Central Intelligence Agency is working on climate change, but you'd never know it." I've copied the subtitle, no kidding. So their strategy is to make their "work on climate change" classified so that no one learns about climate change. And indeed, the hot secret about climate change is so secret that you can't learn about it anywhere. Except for 24,000 preposterous articles listed via Google News every month, of course.

You just can't avoid laughter if you hear a theory that the CIA is trying to keep climate change in secret, can you? How does the conspiracy theorist whacko's idea about the "CIA's work on climate change" look like? Maybe it's like this one:



The agents are surely trying to help Michael Mann to hide the results from the public that the global warming is even worse than previously thought – the American public is surely completely unprepared to hear that the climate change catastrophe will be even worse than previously thought. That's why we have never ever heard that climate change is worse than previously thought and why Michael Mann only talks calmly about climate change, as a genuine skeptic.




Alternatively, the trained agents are spying on the directors and managers of the oil companies, trying to find their new ton of CO2 that they emitted and that will surely cause Hurricane Obama in 2012. Maybe, the agents are spying on the real culprits of global warming, the climate deniers such as Richard Lindzen, Fred Singer, or your humble correspondent. At any rate, they're hard at work and they keep global warming secret at all times. The agents send secret messages to each about, informing about another lecture by Fred Singer that will add another degree Celsius to the warming in the 21st century. (It will actually be 1.2 °C because Singer also mentioned the tropical troposphere, but don't tell it to 007, Jim.)

And maybe, most of the CIA employees already work in the Arctic where they monitor every piece of ice that breaks or melts, as Biello also suggests. One of the CIA agents may have pretended to be a Chinese communist leader who managed to squeeze a 10% increase of the solar panels into the Chinese communist five-year plan. The resulting 21st century cooling by 0.001 °C is strategically important for the U.S.: the global mean temperature in March 2100 won't be a random number between 14.907 and 16.407 °C but a random number between 14.906 and 16.406 °C which is much better: so this agent is more important than the U.S. president. Of course, they're working hard to protect all this secret information (and the identity of the most important and most secret agents specializing in ice) from the American public so that they don't create any panic – so the media are pretty much prevented from ever mentioning the secret term "climate change".



Thanks for the laughter. Among the insane things that the AGW fearmongers are producing every day, this has been surely one of the funnier ones. The CIA story sounds almost just like one of the parody videos created by the skeptics, e.g. the video above. There's just one difference: some of the alarmists must genuinely believe this stuff.